well, i feel sucky today cos instead jus sticking to my usual 1 stick a day, i gave in to temptation and had another stick after dinner today.. *sigh* well, i know its not a good excuse that i had a pretty heavy dinner and all and i really feel shitty bout it. =(

but the upside to it is that i dont feel like i need a cigarette as i usually do at this time.. hehe, although i positively felt like killing myself earlier in the evening (before i had that one extra, glorious stick of ciggie that is.. hehe) - i'm really really sick of the nicotine withdrawal. lemme tell you it sucks. it really does.. the feeling is not one that i can readily describe, but its quite an odd feeling of helplessness, my chest hurts, my lungs feels like it isnt even there anymore, my heart feels like its not beating anymore.. sigh, all i know its that nothings working the way its meant to and its quite uncomfortable really..

a lil bit of advise to all u non-smokers out there: dont start smoking.. and to all u smokers out there: keep on smoking, dont even think of quiting.. ever! (heh heh.. some community msg huh?)

ok, i think i've gotta stop now. i'm not making any sense.. (not that i usually do anyway)